ACCOUNTANT:- A person who works with numbers but lacks the personality to be an economist.
BANK:- A place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. (Bob Hope)
BARGAIN:-Something you can’t use offered at a price you can’t resist. (Ned Kelly)
BROKE:-What you are after working with a financial advisor.
BUDGET:-A mathematical system designed to remind you that you can’t afford the kind of living you’ve grown accustomed to.
BULL MARKET:-A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BULL:-What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked last quarter.
CAPITALISM:-Man exploiting man, as opposed to socialism, which is the reverse.
CHARITY:-Something that begins at home, and usually stays there.
CONVENIENCE FEE:-Fee.
CREDIT:-The preferred method of acquiring money for people who are too timid to steal and too proud to beg.
DERIVATIVES:-Financial weapons of mass destruction. (Warren Buffett)
EARMARXIST:-A congressman or senator who adds earmarks to congressional bills. (American Dialect Society)
ECONOMIST:-An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
FINANCIAL PLANNER:-A person whose phone has been disconnected.
FORGER:-A person who gives checks a bad name.
HOME:-A real estate agent’s word for a house. (Robert Hirst)
INCOME TAX:-Capital punishment.
INFLATION:-A situation in which no one has enough money because everyone has too much money.
INHERITANCE:-Will-gotten gains.
LOANATION:-Money given, typically to a close relative, which the provider considers a loan and which the recipient considers a donation.
LOTTERY:-A tax on the gullible.
MARKET CORRECTION:-The event that occurs the day after you buy.
MONEY:-The most efficient labor-saving device ever invented.
POVERTY:-Having too much month left at the end of the money.
POWER:-The only narcotic regulated by the SEC rather than the FDA.
QUARTER:-A dollar, after taxes.
REPOSSESSION:-What happens if you don’t pay your exorcist.
RETIREMENT:-The point at which one stops living at work and starts working at life.
SOCIAL SECURITY:-A federally mandated pyramid scheme.
SPENDTHRIFT:-A person who considers it a sin to die rich.
TAX REFUND:-A tactic devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.
TAXATION:-An art which consists of plucking the goose to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hiss. (Jean Baptiste Colbert)
VALUE INVESTING:-The art of buying low and selling lower.
NCAS
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